Oh dear Thomas. You tanked.

Let’s start with some good news for United fans before we get serious. There’s been very little of that lately so why not? I see ten Hag has got a new job. Everybody at Old Trafford should now pray he comes back and starts buying some of the shit he landed them with - starting with the goalkeeper.

I was wrong about him. I said when they signed him he’d cost them as many points as de Gea used to save. As it turned out it was far more. He was hopeless.

As for Amorim and his promise that good times are around the corner. If they are he’s not the man to deliver them. What was that about in his address to the stadium? ‘I want to say sorry to my players…’. What? No. Never ever go public with a statement like that.

I’m afraid he strikes me as a man full of self doubt, totally out of his depth. His players know it. Perhaps that’s why he apologised to them - hoping to win a few back?

Thomas Bramall’s monstrous error on the pitch at OT summed up the PGMOL’s season for me.

What a horror moment he had, compounded by his mates at Stockley Park.

What was he doing there? Why was he given such an important match? Villa are right to ask those questions.It was far too big a game for him. He’s had a bang average season - yet he was put in charge whilst Michael Oliver sat in the refs bunker. I know Oliver hasn’t been at his best either, but he’s a better ref than Bramall.

I say Bramall’s error was compounded by his mates because as he disallowed the goal VAR was immediately cut to line. Why? Didn’t they know Bramall had whistled before the ball was in the net? The answer is ‘no’ - they didn’t. I guarantee you a tech operator pointed it out.

There they were fiddling about to see if the decision was correct - which it wasn’t - when they realised they couldn’t use VAR. What a mess. Thomas and his friends tanked. 

The incident kind of summed up their season - not good enough and riddled with errors.

I’m sad to say Howard Webb has been a huge let down. I backed him hoping he’d make things better at the PGMOL. He hasnt. He’s arguably made things worse, although he’ll have marked his own homework by now and announce another triumph shortly.

Bramall’s clanger has cost Villa something like £150m. I’d consider suing if I was at the club. The mistake wasn’t a matter of opinion. It was a matter of fact. Q

One other thing. Why was Martinez sent off? Hojlund was heading away from goal - just like Haaland in the Cup Final. It should be noted Dean Henderson pushed the ball away to send Haaland wide, but he stayed on. Martinez went - even though Villa had a covering defender getting back into position. Both decisions can’t be correct.

As for Chris Kavanagh’s rick at Wembley the day before - that one cost Sheff Utd more than Villa have lost out on. Why did Kavanagh disallow the Blades second goal? There’s no way the keeper was impeded. The clue here is Patterson actually dived for the ball so space was available. Distraction is not covered or part of law. At 2-0 Sheff U win that match.

It’s not the first time tech has cost Sheffield Utd. Do you remember the ghost goal at Villa? The PGMOL made sure Hawkeye took the hit on that occasion - despite the fact VAR could clearly see Villa’s Orjan Nyland had carried the ball over the line.

We were told then protocol meant VAR couldn’t intervene. I asked then what’s the point of the tech if it can’t correct errors? I ask the same question again. Never mind that Bramall had whistled at OT so they couldn’t use it. So what? Change the protocol.

Bayern Munich were denied a perfectly good goal in last season’s CL semi-final v Madrid (de Ligt) for the same reason. It’s got to stop. Use the tech if a ‘clear and obvious’ error has been seen by everybody. The refs love that phrase. Let’s embrace it for better reasons than they use it. 😂.

Chelsea’s celebrations had me laughing yesterday. £1.4b spent in three windows. Well done lads - you finished fourth. I think I’d be a little more sheepish.

If I’m honest I wish Forest had made it. Nuno and his team have been brilliant at different times. They’ve been a breath of fresh air. It’s Europe for them, which is a fantastic achievement in itself, but they’re not in the competition they were aiming at. Shame.

Newcastle made it by the skin of their teeth. They owe Thomas Bramall a drink, but in general it’s been a brilliant campaign for Eddie Howe. Well done guys.

Here’s a stat I found staggering - not one player in Arsenal’s squad finished with 10 goals. Arteta has said he’s going to lock himself away this summer and work out what went wrong. He doesn’t need to. There it is.

Daniel Levy’s silence is damning. Ange won’t be in charge in August. Nor should he be. I backed him for a long time this season and he did really well delivering a trophy - but those who want him out were right - and they’ll get their way I’m sure. Levy won’t make the same mistake the Jim Reaper and the brains trust did with ten Hag.

I’m hearing whispers all is not well in City’s dressing room. Some more big names will leave the club this summer with KDB - perhaps even the coach. Something isn’t right in Haaland’s world either. Watch this space.

A big thanks to Brighton, Bournemouth, Brentford, Fulham and Palace. They all shook up the natural order and should be proud of their seasons.

What an impact David Moyes had at Goodison (I wanted to say that one last time) Everton had 17 points when he took over. They finished with 48. Brilliant David.

West Ham? A mess. It won’t get much better any time soon either. And Wolves can’t afford another season like this one. Hopefully they start next time as they finished this. I like Strand-Larsen. I’d get him signed up pretty quickly before some other club does.

The bottom three go having contributed nothing. Saints can blame Russell Martin’s ridiculous stubbornness. Leicester have got to start again. And Ipswich need to hold on to Kieran McKenna. You don’t turn down success, but it was all a bit too much too soon for them after bouncing through leagues.

That’s it - unless something spectacular happens now you won’t hear from me until August. Thanks for reading these musings. I look forward to going again.

Goodbye Goodison.

First thing first. A big thank you to everybody in Liverpool who made my trip to Goodison on Saturday so enjoyable. Enjoyable? Perhaps that’s not the right word. I can’t think of one that is though.

It’s a day I’ll never forget that’s for sure. Yea, actually it was enjoyable, but it was also tinged with sadness. It’s not my club, but even I had a lump in my throat as they played Z-cars for the last time That was special.

Top marks to the club and everybody who worked so hard to make it such a good day for everybody lucky enough to be there. It was pitched perfectly.

What a line-up of Goodison greats they had. It was amazing. As I stood putting names to faces I realised that actually everybody was there. Dixie Dean. He was there. And Bally. And Howard Kendall. And the Golden Vision, Alex Young. And too many more to mention. You could feel their presence. What a club. Good luck to you all in your new home.

Big congrats to Palace. I’m delighted for Steve Parish and Brighty, his loyal lieutenant. It’s a long overdue success for another club that I’ve got a huge soft spot for. It was also a great result for football, proving you can still succeed and do things sensibly at the same time.

What was Guardiola doing? We’ve got to stop managers going on the pitch at the end of games. I thought Dean Henderson handled himself really well He should’ve told him to fuck off. How dare he complain? What does he mean ‘It’s not fair play. You should not - it’s not fair’? Of course he was referring to Henderson’s time-wasting. And it is fair. It worked. It disturbed City and their rhythm.

I know it can be infuriating, but it’s all part of the game. What does Guardiola expect - that teams should the way he wants them to? So City can beat the living daylights out of them? Get off. You play the way that you believe will get you a result. That’s exactly what Palace did. That it irritated Guardiola was a bonus.

He should be more concerned about why Haaland didn’t take the pen City were awarded. What’s happened to him? Was he scared or is he bored? Something isn’t right. The Haaland that arrived at City would never have passed up that opportunity.

I think the result also hastens Guardiola’s departure. If they lose to Bournemouth tomorrow the winning coach will be in pole position to replace him.

I read that teams are facing a clampdown on confronting and bullying refs? What again? This makes me laugh. Every season ffs. And nothing ever happens to stop it.

I’ll tell you what should be addressed - along with stopping coaches enter the field of play at the end - the ridiculous way players mark at corners now. All the holding and blocking is a nonsense. And there’s an easy way to stop it - give penalties. I don’t care if they give half a dozen a game - we’ve got to stop players doing it.

I didn’t see the West Ham game. How’s the semi-automated off-side system working? I told you it didn’t work. I understand it took six minutes to reach one decision, after they had to revert protractors and crayons? Well done guys.

And let’s hope there’s a re-think about when a flag goes up after the horrendous injury to Forest’s Awoniyi This was the accident we’ve all been expecting to happen.

It was nice to see Jamie Vardy bow out in style. He’s been a big presence at a Leicester - sometimes too big behind the scenes, but there’s no doubt about what he contributed on the pitch. He deserved his goal and the send off. By the way - what a run by Justin and a lovely ball to make the chance.

I’ll leave you with a little teaser. Stand by for a cross town transfer that would cause a real storm, but at the same time be good for all parties. This week will determine whether it happens

Now he’s said it himself - Amorim is struggling at United.

How long have I been saying Ruben Amorim has been trying to get the sack? You all laughed at me. Well now what? Because this weekend he all but resigned.

It’s hard to interpret his post match comments after the West Ham defeat any other way.

Allowing for the fact English isn’t his mother tongue, this is what he said ‘we need to be really strong in the summer and be brave. If the feeling is still here, then we should give space to different persons’. The ‘feeling’ he was referring to is one he believes means United are no longer a big club. That the bang average assortment of imposters wearing the famous red jersey simply don’t care enough.

But what did he mean when he added ‘we should give space to different persons’? Even those who didn’t want to admit I was right have interpreted that as Amorim saying ‘I might not be the man for the job’.

He went on to question whether it would be a good thing for United to win the Europa League and qualify for the CL. ‘I don’t know what is best. If it is playing in the CL or not’ he said. Again - it’s easy to understand what he alluding to.

He knows he’s got a group that pick and chose when they play. That don’t care if they hang him out to dry. That it doesn’t matter enough to them.

Here’s the bottom line. United are hopeless. Embarrassing. They’re still going backwards. The Jim Reaper has ripped the heart out of the club - inflicting damage and hurt from top to bottom, whilst making one bad decision after another and it’s coming back to bite him and the brains trust.

Amorim realised he’d walked into a mess pretty quickly after arriving at OT. He knows it’s not going to get better any time soon. He’s not working for football people. He’s working for accountants and stats men, who don’t understand what he wants or needs. I’m not convinced some even care.

If I’m right - and Amorim wants out - either now or a couple of months into next season - how can United commit to him? How can they gamble spending money on players he might want? They fucked up last summer letting ten Hag spunk a fortune on more bang average players, instead of sacking him as they should’ve done. Are they going to do the same again? What a shambles the Jim Reaper and Dave Brailsford have created.

It’s as clear as a dodgy Jiffy bag to me that Brailsford should’ve gone a couple of months ago - not Dan Ashworth. Amorim wasn’t Ashworth’s choice, but he’s a football man and had he stayed I’m sure he would’ve worked with him. Ashworth must be pissing himself right now.

A quick word for Enzo Maresca. You’re wrong Enzo. Winning the Conference League will not prove Chelsea are back. Not at all. Far from it.

The Conference League is the equivalent of the Vertu Trophy - you know, the old Leyland Daf competition for League One and Two clubs. It’s full of teams that would struggle to make an impression even in those leagues.

Chelsea have been so superior to any side they’ve played. Remember - they didn’t initially feel the need to register Cole Palmer in their 25-man squad.

They’ve played the reserves in most of their ties. The team they put away last week were no better than a select X1 of the best IKEA salesmen in Sweden.
No Enzo - winning the Conferemce League will tell us nothing about Chelsea.

What does is going to places like St James’ for a huge game that might decide the CL places - and failing. That’s when we judge Chelsea. I’m afraid they’re still too soft. Too easy to roll over. Too ‘Kings Road’.

Having had a little blast at United earlier what can we say about Tottenham? Wow. Have a look at the bottom of the table. Even if he wins the Europa League Ange can’t survive now. I heard from a really good source last week Spurs have spoken with Xavi. That makes a lot of sense. Sadly for Spurs I’m also told he’s not ready to return to coaching yet. Or perhaps he’s even smarter than we thought?

Is PL relegation now a thing of the past?

Who said ‘spending time with Arsene Wenger is both a privilege and an education’? Of course it was David Dein. And he was correct.

Arsene is with us in Qatar for this week’s CL games and dropped into our beINSPORTS studios for a brief chat yesterday (Sunday).

We discussed a lot - much of it what you would expect. But he stopped me in my tracks when he said ‘there’s no such thing as relegation from the top league in England anymore’.

I let him carry on talking whilst I absorbed that statement. Eventually I had to go back to it. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘You’ll have to explain what you mean’.

He did. It was simple. And his theory is hard to argue with. So now let me explain.

American owners of our clubs have never understood relegation and promotion. They don’t like the thought of a team they’ve spent millions buying dropping out of the PL. They’re scared of the system. How many times have we read if they could form a super league (and they will) there would be no such thing as relegation?

We love it. It’s all we’ve ever known. We believe it’s a fair system and every now and again it allows smaller clubs to get amongst the big teams and realise dreams.

Here’s a few of them - Wimbledon, Swindon, Luton, Oldham, Barnsley, Sheffield Weds (sorry Jonty 😂). There’s a long list.

Bournemouth and Brentford have arrived in recent seasons and established themselves. In total 51 different teams have played PL football.

The 51st were Luton, who voted to set it up, but were relegated before they got to play in it back in ‘92.

But how many more newbie’s (newbee’s if you like) will make it going forward? Not many. Maybe none if Wenger is right. And if there are any they most likely won’t last more than a season.

Wenger argues the established clubs have made it very, very hard for a team to break into the elite. If what’s happened in the last two seasons is anything to go by he’s got a point.

The three teams that came up are going down again. For the first time in that’s happened for a second consecutive season - embarrassingly one of them goes with only 11 points.
The other two have 21 and 22 points - at the moment of course.

West Ham are the worst of the rest. They’re on 35 points. They’re safe by miles, but shouldn’t be. They’ve been hopeless this season. It’s still only three wins from 15 games for Graham Potter. They’re really safe by default.

Neither United nor Spurs have yet got to the magic 40 points. That was always the target at the start of any season. Not anymore. Right now 23 would keep you up. 23 ffs. No matter how bad United, Spurs or the rest are, they’ve got to be capable of reaching that number.

So there’s no jeopardy anymore. No danger anymore. No relegation anymore. If you make it up from the C’ship it’s beginning to look like you'll be going straight back.

So there’s the warning for Leeds, Burnley and whoever makes it from the play-offs. Enjoy it, spend wisely but don’t get too excited. The established clubs are now running a closed shop. It’s come about by stealth, but it’s happened.

Leeds’ chairman Paraag Marathe is quite pleased with himself after publicly backing Daniel Farke ‘I have ended the speculation’ he said. ‘He is my man’.

What he’s not saying is he started the speculation by offering Farke’s job to Jose Mourinho. I know that for a fact. It was Mourinho who actually ended the speculation by turning the offer down.

It was a smart move by Marathe. Mourinho would’ve set Elland Road alight and the PL is always better when he’s working in it.

Sadly Marathe couldn’t convince Mourinho that Leeds won’t be fighting a relegation battle next season. That’s not something the Special One wants. Perhaps he’s right. Perhaps he agrees with Wenger, but it’s a pity.

Without question Farke has done a terrific job getting Leeds up. He’s become to a C’ship promotion bid what Big Sam was to PL surivival, which is why he would’ve walked into another job - at Leicester or Saints perhaps, and done it all over again.

That’s why we shouldn’t feel too sorry for him. He would definitely have been in a job there next January at those clubs. There are no guarantees he will be at Leeds.

Good luck to our teams in Europe this week. I hope they all get what they want - but I’ve got to say this - it’s a joke that two PL teams who’ve been rank this season are going to be playing for a CL place in the Europa League final.

The prize is too big, especially because the competition has been so much easier to have success in this season. How’s that? Because there were no CL clubs dropping in from the group stages of that competition. You can argue that’s been a good thing, but you can’t offer a CL place to the winners of the Europa League when that’s the case. A chance to defend that title? Yes. But no more.

Cole Palmer said ‘shit’ on a sports channel. Outrageous. Quick - apologise. Grow up everyone - please.

And the PGMOL want more money. £39m annuallly isn’t enough for Howard Webb and his mates it seems I’m sorry - PL clubs should turn down his request without even discussing it. No. No - not until standards get better.

As I expected, it turns out the new semi-automated offside system doesn’t work properly. Millions has been spent on this, but according to Sam Wallace in The Telegraph it’s no use if a ball is touched multiple times in the box. They say it can calculate straightforward offsides though. Brilliant. We can all do that.

The bottom line is - it doesn’t work. I’d say you couldn’t make it up - but we know they do.

Where was the trophy?

Was there ever really a doubt? No. Liverpool have had the title wrapped up for weeks - months in truth. They deserve it. They’ve been the best and it was good to see them get over the line yesterday.

Crucially, it was good to see so many fans able to enjoy the occasion. That’s what was missing in the Covid season when won it. Fans to celebrate with.

Missing yesterday was the trophy. I haven’t heard one good reason why it wasn’t presented. All this bollocks that it’s traditional to do it on the last day of the season. No it’s not. When there’s doubt - of course, you’ve got to wait. But when there isn’t - get it done.

Without being able to show off the trophy there wasn’t a focal point for the players to gravitate to. Eventually they had nowhere to run and celebrate. They should’ve had a trophy to show off. The people who’d paid good money to be inside Anfield deserved to see it.

Fine. If tv and the sponsors want their pound of flesh on the last day - make the official presentation then. And that’s what will happen of course, but you won’t be able to replicate the joy or emotion that was evident yesterday. There’s only one first. The moment has passed now. It’ll still be good on the last day, but it won’t the same - and that’s a shame.

I smiled as I listened to commentators and reporters talk about ‘if’s and maybe’s’ before the game. They tried to crank up the drama when Solanke scored, but there was never a doubt. It was Tottenham lads. They were hopeless. Embarrassing.

I’d just watched United. I didn’t think I’d see a worse team than them Sunday afternoon, but I was wrong.

Having thought about it for a moment - maybe I’m not. They’re both shit. Awful.

So were the officials at Bournemouth. The decision to send Evanilson off was a joke and might end up costing Bournemouth a place in Europe. A place their season thoroughly deserves.

Why did VAR get involved? There was no need. Yes - it looked a clumsy challenge, but Evanilson slipped. A yellow was the correct decision. Have we all forgotten what happened when it was decided United’s Fernandes had slipped when he got red v Spurs earlier in the season? That decision was overturned - because it was decided he’d slipped into the challenge he made on Maddison.

It’s infuriating that our officials are so inept. Why wasn’t Jon Brooks thinking about that decision - and the outcome of the appeal - when he recommended his review to Peter Bankes? Why wasn’t Bankes stronger? Why are games refereed by VAR?

While we’re at it - what about Dorgu’s yellow? For what?

Everton should’ve had a pen at Chelsea. Mykolenko was penalised for clattering into Sanchez, but it was actually the other way round. You could see Chris Kavanagh explaining to Doucoure he believed Sanchez had the ball under control when the collision occurred - except he didn’t. He’d already spilled it. It should’ve been a pen. Everton’s players knew it should’ve been a pen and I know David Moyes thought it was as well. Where was VAR then?

When Howard Webb announces at the end of the season he’s marked his own homework and got 10/10 again - errors like that don’t get included. There have been dozens like it this season, but because domestic broadcasters don’t do their jobs properly - or have been bullied into not making a fuss about decisions - errors like this don’t get picked up.

Having blasted United and Spurs I’ve got to mention West Ham. It’s still just three wins for Graham Potter so far - and they remain the worst of the rest. Chances are they’d be going down if the bottom three weren’t so bad.

Potter is the man Karen Brady has backed to ‘bring back the good times’ at West Ham. Outside of David Moyes reign - when were they Karen?

She was giving advice to Leeds and Burnley in her column at the weekend. My advice would be that both clubs should listen carefully to what she’s got to say - and then do the opposite. What a joke.

Well done Palace. I thought they were terrific - especially the front three. I did feel for Villa though. Their season has fallen apart in the space of about 10 days.

And what a shame Forest didn’t make it to the final. They deserve some kind of reward for what they’ve done this season as well. I’m really hoping they get a CL place now. Nuno is a class act.

We’re in for quite a final day in the C’ship. Good luck to everybody involved. 🙏

Good work Leeds and Burnley

Welcome back Leeds. And Burnley. Daniel Farke and Scott Parker have both done a terrific job at their respective clubs.

I have to confess I’m a little surprised Sheffield United didn’t make it automatically. They looked really strong for the majority of the season, but the wheels came off their campaign at the wrong time. Four defeats from their last five cost them and it could get worse yet.

You need to take form into the play-offs. The Blades are stuttering, but having said that, they should still make it. Of the teams they’re likely to come up against they’ve got the best squad. But don’t discount Bristol City. Their defeat at Luton was untimely - and a warning for Coventry, who go to Kenilworth Road next, but City are looking strong.

Should I mention it? I’m desperately trying not to. I’ve got to though - United are mathematically safe. What a relief for everybody at OT. Congratulations guys. 😂. I know I know. I’m sorry. I really am. It’s a cheap jibe.

Who would’ve thought United could fall so far? It’s sad really. And Spurs are no better. As I said last week - it’s over for Ange.

Because Spurs and United are both at the wrong end no-one is talking about West Ham - but they should be.

They look like finishing as the worst of the rest. What a waste of the work David Moyes did there. They’ll never compete for a CL place again. They certainly won’t ever a win Euro trophy again.

They’re 17th - despite a £135m spend last summer, which cost them £20m in agents fees. That figure puts them in the PL’s top 10 spenders on agents. Value for money Karen? I don’t think so. But at least there’s the consolidation of knowing they’re in a PL top 10. It’ll be a while before they finish that high again.

I can feel a CL problem coming on. I couldn’t ever back against an English team in Europe, but it’s Paris next for Arsenal - my bosses team. 😂.

The Gunners were fantastic v Real, in both games, and deserved their wins.
They’ll have to be better v Paris though. Since qualifying for the KO stage, they’ve been one of the stand-out teams in the competition. Them and Barcelona.

Both play a really exciting, fast football - getting the ball through the lines and from back to front quickly - like the Spanish national team. I’ll say it again - please god the tippy-tappy Guardiola era is over.

Arne Slot has been trying to convince us because Arsenal and Villa have done so well in the CL we’ve still got a strong PL. No we haven’t. It’s been a poor season domestically. The two things aren’t related.

And I’d say this to Slot - re-signing van Dijk and Salah is NOT like signing two new players. It’s the right thing to do, but if Liverpool are going to be competitive next season they’ll need proper new signings. Two certs are Isak and Kerkez, but that won’t be enough either.

Finally - Jamie Vardy has described Leicester’s season as a shit-show. In the article I read in The Mirror he blasted everybody. He’s got a point. What he didn’t do though was admit Leicester’s viperous dressing room might just have been wrong to turn on Steve Cooper.

Cooper was sacked after just five months in charge at Leicester. He left them in 16th - two points above the drop zone.

In his previous job, Cooper had performed miracles keeping Forest up in their first season back. He knew the course. He knew what was needed.

So why was he sacked so quickly at Leicester? For one thing - he wanted to move a few ageing players on. Players who had literally run their race in a Leicester jersey.

The more powerful elements in the Leicester dressing room were having none of that. So - once again - they flexed their muscles - called the owner - and let it be known ‘it’s us or him’.

As we now know - it was him. Bad call. It never got any better under Van Nistelrooy, but at least he kept playing Vardy. Having been in charge of the ‘shit-show’ Van Nistelrooy can’t survive. (Jon Rudkin should go as well).

The new manager would be wise to clear the dressing room out as fast as possible. And I think we all know who should be the first to go.

Maresca has just slit his own throat.

Of course there are a few different reasons a coach can lose his job. An obvious one is to not be very good - or perhaps he/she can be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Both apply to Reuben Amorim.

A coach can be stubbornly wrong. Russell Martin comes to mind in this category. If he hadn’t been so naive - no daft - early in the season, Southampton wouldn’t be going down labelled as the worst PL team of all time. Russell arrogantly over-played and refused to change. Saints weren’t good enough to stroke the ball and play ‘the right way’.

A coach can sometimes overstay his/her welcome. Players can get tired of hearing the same voice. It’s usually the coach that goes in these circumstances nowadays - Fergie had the luxury of being able to change the players of course.

A coach will go if the chairman/owner starts getting stick from supporters. He/she doesn’t have to get on with decision makers but it helps to manage upwards as well as down.

There are many internal reasons that can lead to a change and we don’t always get to know about those, but the last two categories I’m going to mention are a no no.

Losing the dressing room will end badly. Ask the last half dozen coaches at Leicester and Chelsea. Players have so much power these days if they don’t fancy a coach they’ll be gone.

Steve Cooper found that out. He clearly wanted to take Jamie Vardy on, but didn’t get the time. Vardy took him out early.

And the last category is crossing a line from which few - if any - ever come back. That is - pissing supporters off.

Ange is a dead man walking. He picked a fight with Tottenham fans during the recent Chelsea game. Bad call Ange. You just can’t do that.

He’s gone - even if he wins the Europa League. I backed him half way through the season but I’ve changed my mind. I’m tired of listening to him mumble at the floor explaining ‘it’s what we are mate’. He knows he’s toast. Perhaps it’s why he doubled down at Wolves?

Knowing it’s a fast track out of a club is perhaps why Maresca has gone and committed the very same offence and slit his own throat?

It’s the only reason I can think of that explains why he went after Chelsea fans at the weekend, suggesting the ‘environment’ they created at The Bridge helped Ipswich take a two goal lead.

Madness. Absolute madness. If he doesn’t want out he’s got some making up to do now. Winning the Conference League might not be enough to get Chelsea fans back onside, although adding a success like that to his cv would suit him.

I’ve got mates who are Chelsea fans and they’re convinced Maresca wants that more than a top 5 finish - because he won’t be around next season.

I’m more of the view that Chelsea are still flaky. The current group are Spursy. I know someone who was at the training ground Friday and he said he could sniff Sunday’s performance. Everything was wrong. And that’s how it played out.

There’s no doubt Chelsea have a talented group. The problem is it doesn’t seem to matter enough to them. And Maresca doesn’t appear to know how to ‘whip’ them.

Performances like Sunday’s are all too regular. You can almost hear them saying to each other ‘it’s only Ipswich. We’ll beat them. Where are we going Sunday night?’

When Terry Mac would organise nights out - while he was on the pitch at Liverpool - it was because they were the best team in England. It didn’t matter.

Chelsea aren’t. In fact they might not even be the best team in West London. Chelsea fans have every right to express their frustration and Maresca was daft to take them on - unless he wants out but doesn’t want to make that decision himself. Getting sacked is far more lucrative than deciding to walk.

I wouldn’t say the automated off-side system was an unqualified success. They were slow at Chelsea and Wolves - and not once did I see the view an assistant gets. We need to see across the line to be sure decisions are correct - not be looking at incidents from angles. But as least it wasn’t a flop. Small mercies I guess?

West Ham were unlucky. There was a nailed-on foul before the corner that led to Liverpool’s winner. We’re told VAR corrects the ‘clear and obvious’. Well clearly and obviously not.

I read that Jim Ratcliffe is about to raid the Mercedes F1 team and steal their ‘senior performance simulation engineer’. Of course he is. They’ve already got a cycling expert at United It makes perfect sense.

Good luck to Arsenal and Villa this week. I really fancy Arsenal. It won’t be easy, but I think they did enough in the first leg. What I would definitely be doing if I was Arteta is publicly questioning both the ref and VAR. I’m not saying either is likely to be influenced by the occasion - but I’d be raising awareness about possible problems in advance of the game.

I’m not so confident about Villa. Paris have found a groove. They look a really good side, but if Villa get one early you never know. Remember - Villa weren’t supposed to win it in ‘82.

A sad tale of 2 once mighty clubs in 1 city. The derby was awful

I sat listening to Bruno Fernandes post Manchester derby getting more depressed the longer he spoke.

We’d all just witnessed the poorest game between United and City I can remember. And I can go back a long way.

I’ve watched games between the two from the mid-60’s. Worked on them as a commentator/reporter during a spell at Picadilly Radio and fronted the host broadcasters coverage of dozens of them.

I’ve watched a fair few in the last decade or so while I’ve been working for beINSPORTS and never have I seen one as bad as that one yesterday (Monday).

Fernandes was waxing lyrical about how well he thought United had done Really? In what area? I watch football to be entertained - to be excited - to ride a wave of drama whoever it is playing - to see goals. There was none of that.

Those two yesterday mustered one shot each on target in nearly 100 minutes of football. And there was Fernandes talking nonsense about how well he thought United had done and how Amorim tells his players they’ve got to ‘suffer’ if they want success. Suffer? The only people suffering yesterday were the ones watching - including those poor soles demonstrating about ticket prices at Old Trafford at the end. In general they are right - specifically they were right about the game. It was dreadful.

As City went backwards and sideways - and United stood off too scared to win the ball back - I thought I was watching a testimonial for Kevin de Bruyne. It was no faster than the recent legends game I saw clips of at Anfield. It was walking football.

It was months ago I called City’s demise. Guardiola fell asleep at the wheel celebrating that fourth successive title. He should’ve ripped his team apart after the third. They’re a shadow of what they once were.

If I was in charge at City I’d invite him to announce his resignation. They need to go in a different direction now. They need fresh blood, a new start and I don’t think he’s the man to deliver it.

Apart from his usual post match appearance on the pitch looking for cameras, I thought he looked totally disinterested yesterday. Perhaps he was just bored like the rest of us - but I’m afraid the football he’s convinced most judges is ‘the right way to play’ can be deadly dull.

City were lucky. United should’ve had a pen in the first 12 seconds. I don’t blame John Brooks for getting it wrong. He couldn’t make an accurate call from where he was - but VAR could. I’m afraid Paul Tierney - fresh from his disaster at Anfield last Wednesday - got it wrong. What was he even doing in the VAR seat anyway after the mess he and Sam Barrott made at Anfield?

Garnacho was fouled on the line. As we all know ‘on’ the line is ‘in’ the box. Tierney panicked and went with the on-field decision, making his mind up instantly. At the very least he should’ve invited Brooks to have another look at it.

An instant decision on something as critical as that - yet they took 4’50” to disallow a Spurs goal v Saints. It’s nonsense.

Why am I not reading about that incident today? There’s only two reasons why - because the PGMOL have succeeded in bullying U.K. broadcasters into toning down criticism or because those same broadcasters aren’t doing their jobs properly.

As for United - I stand by my call at the start of the season the team needs £1b of investment. Amorim says he’s not interested in signing big names. That’s just as well because they can’t attract them anymore.

Liverpool are running on empty. They’ll get the points they need at Anfield, but they’re making hard work of a shoe-in. If there had been a challenge of any kind this season they might be a little concerned - but there hasn’t been.

Fulham were good. They deserved the win and it could’ve been worse for a Liverpool. Fulham should’ve had a pen before Mac Allister scored. Kelleher recklessly threw himself at Pereira in the box, but nothing was given. When we asked the matchday centre why not they told us ‘both players arrived in the same space at the same time’. Yea? The generally happens when penalties are conceded. Honestly - you couldn’t make it up.

And the same people had no idea that van Dijk should’ve gone. They didn’t see his deliberate elbow in the second-half. I know that because they asked us what time in the match it occurred.

Keith Hackett agreed with me about the pen and so did the Fulham boss Silva. The cameras showed him remonstrating with the 4th official but he didn’t make much of it after the game because in the end it didn’t matter.

As for Hackett - the former PGMOL chief - he wrote a really good piece about van Dijk in The Telegraph. He thought he should’ve gone as well and went on to ask - in that piece - if officials are now intimidated by the Dutch defender.

He analysed about half a dozen of van Dijk’s indiscretions and his article ended like this ‘there is no doubt as far as I am concerned this player has become a serial offender and match officials are failing to apply appropriate sanctions’.

Poor Ange. 4’50” to find a way to disallow that goal at Spurs. He’s right about VAR. Operators are out of control. If you can’t see what you’re looking for after 60 seconds - move on. Stay with the on-field decision. It’s a joke.

That followed delays of 3’27 and 2’38” at Ipswich - a whole lot more time than they spent looking at the Garnacho incident - and 2’36” at West Ham as Evanilson scored for Bournemouth.

A couple of things here - my mate at beINSPORTS is convinced they created these delays so they can tell us how well their new semi-automated system works next week (he’s got a point) and I wonder how much the delays are responsible for so many of the muscle injuries teams are sustaining? My guess is a fair few.

The next time I write it will be after the introduction of the long awaited semi-automated offside tech. We’re not using the tried and tested system that works in the CL and WC. We’ve developed our own with Apple and Genius Sports.

It was tested recently in the FA Cup and led to that eight minute delay at Bournemouth - before it was abandoned. Howard Webb had better pray it works now - or I’m afraid he will have to go.

What a good Cup weekend that was.

Well that turned into a pretty good weekend of football. I saw a line suggesting all the FA Cup needed in order to be worth a watch again was teams that believed in it - that wanted to be part of it.

I’d go along with that, but I think there’s a bit more to it. Giving the Cup a weekend free of PL football is part of the formula. And I love a penalty shoot out.

That might sound strange, coming from somebody whose team has suffered more than most from penalty heartbreak in recent seasons, but you can’t beat the drama.

Getting ties settled on the day has been an enormous plus as well. I know the decision the scrap replays caused an awful fuss when it was announced, but we’ve gained more than we lost - and I felt that would be the case right from the off.

Perhaps Exeter fans won’t agree? They were denied a replay at Forest that could’ve made them a few quid and there could be another example but, the decision has benefitted the majority.

I’m delighted for Forest, whose season deserves a Wembley appearance, but had the tie had gone the other way I’d have been equally pleased. The next step for Brighton is to win a trophy.

Villa were terrific at Preston, who were sadly way out of their depth. What a season it would be for Marcus Rashford if he ends up with FA Cup and CL medals. What are the chances I wonder?

I got battered when I called Rashford out a few seasons back, but I wasn’t wrong. I don’t know the truth behind his fall from grace at OT, but it can’t have helped having to work for ten Hag. Like everyone else Rashford must’ve dreaded going to work during that deadly dull period, although he could and should have done better.

A lot of people were unsure about Villa’s decision to take him, but for me it was a no-brainer. At his best he’s a class act. He needed to work for someone that believes in him and in Emery he’s got that.

City got lucky. I’d have been very happy to see Bournemouth win. Their season deserved a Wembley trip as well and they were on course for a large part of the game.

I didn’t agree with Sam Matterface’s verdict that ‘Guardiola’s genius’ changed the game because he put subs on. What other coach wouldn’t have made changes 1-0 down - and then crossed his fingers? And Marmoush wouldn’t have got on if Haaland hadn’t got injured. That’s how it goes sometimes.

Sam’s a good mate and I’ve told him my thoughts! That tiny error aside - how good has he become? I think he’s doing a really good job as ITV’s lead commentator. He’s really grown into the job.

Palace were good value for their win at Fulham. That was another tie I was quite happy to see either team win. Both would’ve been good value for a semi-final place, but in the end Eze and co were better.

If recent history is anything to go by City will win it. One of the big boys always does, but they don’t deserve to. I’d be happier to see any of the other three lift it.

I’m hearing we’re not far off from learning the outcome to the 130 charges City have faced. The smart money has got to be on a fudge. Why do I say that? Well - a number of reasons really.

A big clue is Sky telling their pundits to go easy with their thoughts about the judgement. If City were going to get nailed I’m sure they’d be allowed to say what they like but I reckon their anger is going to have to be tempered.

Just as the British govt got deeply involved in the decision to allow the Saudi’s to take over at Newcastle, it’s a certainty they’ll have had something to do with the outcome in this case.

Boris Johnson didn’t want to piss MBS off - and Starmer can’t afford to fall out with the Emeratis. I might be wrong, but I don’t think so. 

Speaking of Newcastle - what a turnout they had to celebrate their Carabao Cup win. Top class. I saw Alan Shearer front and centre again, despite the fact he had nothing to do with the success. I had to wonder if he still thinks ‘medals don’t buy shoppin’? That was always his excuse for turning his back on United and a trophy haul that would’ve inevitably followed had he gone to OT. There’s no feeling to replace that of winning - even second hand it seems. 

I’ve also seen enough of those professional Geordies Ant and Dec to last a lifetime. Tell me - where do they live on Tyneside?

Thomas Tuchel made a solid start, but he had to didn’t he? Even Safegate would’ve pissed those two games. I liked what I saw though - and what I heard even more.

Tuchel is a winner. He’s right about the Safegate era. Too often England were scared. And ultimately Safegate’s timid approach cost them.

Tuchel doesn’t give a toss about the future. He is a ‘now’ man. He knows by winning the WC he’ll elevate English football to the next level and the next generation he might spurn now, will eventually find a way. I’m with him. And for the first time since Bobby Robson went close I really do think England can win the WC. 

‘Sieg Heil’ eh ‘Arry? Hilarious. How does this man get away with it? Even the great David Walsh let himself down at the weekend defending Redknapp. There isn’t a defence. None. 

 ‘Arry knows why he didn’t get the England job. The FA simply couldn’t take the risk. As well as insulting Tuchel I see he’s still making money and jokes about the tax case though so allow me. I heard he made £2m from recent book sales. After tax? £2m. 

A Geordie triumph well overdue.

Never mind Eddie Howe? Eddie did. And in doing so made himself immortal on Tyneside.

Some wondered Eddie why? when he got the gig at Newcastle. He’d been out of the game so long he’d almost been forgotten about. And he’d only managed Bournemouth - leaving them after taking them down in 2020.

Howe didn’t have the sort of cv that made him the outstanding candidate for the job at Newcastle. But they gambled and won. Won big yesterday.

I’m pretty sure all the neutrals watching wanted them to win. Probably because so many of us remember King Kev’s ‘entertainers’ coming up short.

But the wait is over now. Eddie’s ‘Likely Lads’ delivered. They were the hungrier team. The better team. And they’ve written themselves into Geordie folklore.

As mayhem erupted on the final whistle I couldn’t help thinking about Sir Bobby Robson - a unique and charming Geordie, who would’ve loved to have been at a Wembley to see it - and Freddie Shepherd, who gave everything to the cause of winning a trophy when he was majority shareholder and chairman at a Newcastle. Both deserve mentions.

It’ll be interesting to see how far the Saudi’s are prepared to back Howe and his team now. I’ve felt for some time they’d lost interest in the project.

It was a different when they bought Newcastle. The original idea was to make a mark on the world’s sporting stage like the Emeratis had done with City. And the Qatari’s had with Paris.

But it seemed to me the money dried up when the formula changed and they started buying sport ‘in’ - staging big boxing bouts in Saudi - football matches - tennis and the like - and setting up their own football league.

Perhaps now they’ll have another look at their involvement and give Howe the money he needs to get to the next level?

As for Liverpool. It’s been difficult all season to judge them. Until these past 10 days they hadn’t really faced a serious test. Then came Paris - and they failed. And they failed again yesterday.

They’ve won the title - we know that, so they’ve got something about them - but you have to add that all the challengers this season have gone backwards. I’ve said this here before and I repeated it on Twitter yesterday - only to set off the expected firestorm.

For me, they’re not as good as any of Klopp’s teams. I know he rebuilt this one, but they don’t play in his image. I’ll go further - they’re not as good as many of their trophy winning predecessors.

Here’s a prediction. That stadium United have announced will never get built. Something might - but the oversized tent they’ve said they’re going to put up won’t.

And now United’s long suffering fans know how to get rid of the Jim Reaper - treat him like the Glazers. ‘If I got abused as much as the Glazers I’d have to walk away’, he said last week. Fine. Do it Jim. I don’t think too many United supporters would be shedding many tears.

Did you see the story last week 530 footballers are being treated for addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling and other mental health issues?

And last season 80 pro footballers sought therapy for issues with illicit substances such as cocaine and nitrous oxide, as well as sleeping pills.

Staggering numbers aren’t they? And where are they being treated? At the Sporting Chance clinic, which now works with the PFA. Not that it always did.

It was founded by Tony Adams, who we all know suffered with alcoholism himself at one time.

I admit I was one who thought Tony had gone stark raving mad when he set the clinic up. How wrong I was. When I needed help for a family member he couldn’t have been kinder. He’s a gem. He’s helped so many people.

The reason for my scepticism was that I didn’t believe so many players could be in trouble to the degree they were. Tony knew better. The clinic has never had down time since he opened its doors.

The next time honours are handed out I’d like to see Tony’s name feature. What he’s done for so many is incredible. What a guy he is.