Hapless. And hopeless. But it’s not all his fault.

This is going to surprise a few people.
I actually felt a little bit sorry for ten Hag yesterday (Sunday).

What must he have been thinking as he stood on that OT touchline, in the pouring Manchester rain, watching the team he assembled for £600m being torn to shreds by Spurs?

‘It’s United lads….’ That’s all big Ange will have to say when they meet again in February.

Ten Hag was lost. He didn’t have a clue what to do. Hapless and hopeless. He wasn’t a Utd manager when they appointed him. He isn’t a Utd manager today. He never will be.

He’s insipid. Weak. Full of excuses. There are so many stats that condemn him, but here’s the most damning of all. In their last 15 league games Utd have picked up 19 points. Everton have collected 21.

So why did I feel a little bit sorry for him? Well - because it’s not all his fault. Granted - if he’d had any pride or dignity he’d have walked in the summer when Ratcliffe was hawking his job around Europe. In the end he was 4th choice to keep it. How degrading.

So this is all on Ratcliffe and his brains trust now. Of course they should’ve sacked ten in the summer, but the man who’s cancelled staff lunchboxes, stopped the supply of free matchday programmes for some, demands people use Uber’s, sacked the kit manager of some 27 years service and the media guru, didn’t want to pay the going rate for a top coach. What’s that old saying about paying peanuts?

Ratcliffe, Brailsford (what was in the Jiffy bag Dave?) Ashworth and Wilcox also wanted someone who’d do as he was told. Thomas Tuchel decided he could afford to say ‘no’.

So here we are. United are 12th, having scored fewer goals at OT than either Liverpool or Spurs - facing a tricky European tie this week and almost inevitable defeat at Villa Park. Surely they’ll bring the curtain down on this sorry saga then? I hope they’ve still got Tuchel’s number?

I’d love to be able to talk about the first-half at Newcastle - but I fell asleep. What a bore-fest again City. They really can be a hard watch. I read they completed 249 passes before getting three shots on target. Wow. Newcastle hit the target twice from 168 passes.

What would Kevin Keegan - the King of the entertainers - make of it all? Knowing him as I do I’m pretty sure he’d hate it.

Post match Guardiola complimented Eddie Howe on Newcastle’s approach. ‘They try to do the right things’ he said. Really? Who decides what the right things are Guardiola?

Ask any Geordie whether he/she would rather watch what these two served up Saturday - or a Keegan team ripping into the opposition. I know the answer.

There is perhaps a dim light at the end of the tunnel. Have you noticed how many teams are now lumping the ball into opposition territory from the kick-off? It’s something I’ve been talking about for a long time so I was grateful to Gregor Robertson in The Times at the weekend for putting a number on it.

It was 15 of the 20 PL teams the previous match week. Bournemouth and Brentford have been doing it for a long time. By getting the ball forward, Thomas Allardyce’s team scored goals in just 12 and 13 seconds in their previous two games. We flagged this on beINSPORTS Saturday - only for them to do it again - this time after 37 seconds.

Maybe this virus will spread? Let’s hope so. That teams will want to put the ball in areas where they can actually hurt teams? Where chances can be created and goals scored?

I guess Big Sam was right after all? That there is no ‘right way’ to play. That set-pieces are important as well. Allardyce was the first set-piece ‘specialist’ in the game. Remember? Graham Taylor will be smiling somewhere as well I guess.

I’ve nothing but sympathy with Forest’s belief that the poor standard of refereeing is blighting the game. What a joke that pen award was at The City Ground. Whatever happened to ‘the referee’s call’? Remember? It was point 1 in a six point review conducted by Howard Webb - more on-field decisions and less VAR intervention. Can’t help themselves can they?

Before we leave the subject of refs - no more Saudi moonlighting for Michael Oliver I see. Quite right too. I was surprised no-one mentioned his part-time job last weekend.

Leicester were unlucky at Arsenal. They had a real go didn’t they? If they keep it up a first win won’t be far away. Fair play to the Gunners though. They got the job done.

Ipswich were good as well. Delap looks like a player. Who would you say is better value right now - him or Zirkzee? Didn’t Delap used to play his football in Manchester as well? Right under the noses of the brains trust?

A quick question on Zirkzee. Where does he fit in when Hojlund is fit?

Finally - Cole Palmer. Wow. What a player. He’s streets ahead of Bellingham. I can’t think of better money ever being spent. What a rick Guardiola dropped letting him go. He’s already worth £100m more than Chelsea paid and he’s only going to get better. I love watching him.